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Nickel News – Solving The Mystery Of Love, Thimbleweed Park Heroes Ray And Reyes Wed

Thimbleweed Park – Finally answering the question of will they or won’t they, federal agents Ray and Reyes were married today at the Edmund Hotel.

In a traditional point-and-click ceremony officiated by a ClergyTron 3000, the unlikely couple recited vows written in each other’s notebooks. “I need to stay focused and make this marriage work so I can do what I need to do”, said a very nervous Agent Reyes. Looking beautiful but somewhat annoyed, his bride Agent Ray tapped her foot and shifted her eyes.

Delores Edmund served as maid of honor and Ransome The Clown begrudgingly stood as best man. “I don’t know why the *beep* anyone would ever want to get *bleeping* married. Eventually, your wife will find out about your mistress and take everything you own leaving you to live in a *beeping* trailer with a *bleeping* glorified rat that has lactose issues,” quipped the bitter clown.

During the reception, DJ Cassie from KSCUM staged a hostile takeover of the dancefloor but inexplicably played the same song over and over. In spite of the repeating music, Ms. Edmund could be seen busting a move and impressively moonwalked back and forth from the punch bowl to the dance floor.

When asked about when he knew Agent Ray was the one, Agent Reyes gushed, “When she gave me back my notebook after rescuing me from the sewer, I felt a change. Something inside me moved and I knew it wasn’t just the hot dogs.”

The couple plan to honeymoon at Skywalker Ranch.

Brandon Weicks

Brandon is a writer, tech guy, game collector, and sucks at video games. He still holds hope that Sega will release a new console and believes Nintendo peaked with the Super Gameboy. In his spare time, Brandon enjoys playing in his ManCade, listening to funk, and going game hunting on his Bonnie.

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