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The Grumpy Git : I HATE Monopoly!

 

Well here we are again at Monday again. The miserable day of the week no-one enjoys, so in the tradition of Misery loves company. I am here to make sure you have a total loathing for it.

So today I am going to take a slight punt at the Parker Brothers all time top selling board game Monopoly and probably a few others while I am at it. Feel like disagreeing with me. Let me know in the comments.

Monopoly first produced in 1935 by Charles Darrow. Was a rip off of a game called “The Landlord’s Game” from 30 years previous by Elizabeth Magie. Obviously which one became a household name well you work it out.

Parker Brothers were a failing board game company at the time and put all they had left into the game. It panned out.

Anyway enough of the history lessons. That’s not what you came here for. I really dislike Monopoly with a passion. In any form be it board game or digital recreation. The game is fundamentally flawed.

You can totally mess up the game by buying random properties in order to make sure no-one can get a set. This is a bit of a dick move but one I have seen employed time and time again.

Then there is the player who just buys the two top properties and upgrades them and sits back and waits for some unfortunate soul to land on them to steal most of their money. These people need disemboweling.

Then there is always somebody who owns the full one side of a board making it virtually impossible to go around the board without paying something.

All together these strategies while they work, make the game broken. All it encourages is for people to be absolute morons to each other.

Now I am sure there is those who say competition is healthy. Well to a degree but this game just encourages all out brutality.

OK so now I have had a swipe at Monopoly lets have a go at some other games of that classic era.

Cluedo (or Clue in the US) is the most dullest game in the universe. How can anyone find this game remotely fun I am yet to discover.

Seriously I have tried to play it many times and every time its as interesting as finding dirt, in a pile of dirt.

Right, next target is any game involving a traitor in your midst. this is the ultimate dick move pulled by board game manufacturers when they can’t think of anything else.

Games include Shadows over Camelot, Dead of Winter, Battlestar Galactica, Lord of the Rings and many more. I am sure there are many shouting at their screens that they have had hours of fun being a traitor. Personally I think it kills any game having one player work against the others, especially in a cooperative game.

Some would say Betrayal at the House on the Hill is a traitor game but it really a board game of two halves. Pre Haunt and then the Haunt. The players never know when this will happen and it can be any of them, making the game interesting.

However when one person is intentionally working against the group and making sure the game can not be won. Then the game is no longer a co-operative game.

Now I absolutely adore the multiple award winning game of Pandemic by Matt Leacock. The game is fast paced, encourages people to work together and overall can be a challenging game.

I have lost count the hours of this game I have played with people. It’s easy to explain, the game can sometimes totally kick your arse even for all of your planning. Overall a great game most will agree.

Well guess what was introduced into the Pandemic on the Brink expansion. first there was a mutation virus which added to the already killer four viruses, but they then introduced the Bio-Terrorist card. Why did you have to do that?

Thankfully it’s not included in the main game but a £20 expansion so you can play the standard version of Pandemic and not ruin the experience.

What’s next are they going to put a secret Arsonist in Operation Flashpoint : Fire Rescue who intentionally tries not to put out fires and murder everyone in the building.

And to close any game that has jumped on the Legacy series bandwagon. I’m sure there are those who see a joy in only being able to play a certain board game a certain number of times with ever changing rules a thrilling experience.

However as these games tend to be about £30-50 a pop to then have to buy another copy if you want to play again with other people. well you know where you can stick those types of games.

This I guess is a good way to sell more copies of the game, but ultimately a rather cynical way of doing it.

Don’t get me started on card games such as Magic the Gathering or games like Marvel Dice Masters where the game no longer is about what ever it was about but how much I can spend on eBay to make sure I have the right items. Making the games ultimately useless.

I bought a copy of Android Netrunner but it equally has it morons who who optimize and fix the decks so the game has no fun.. they will openly sneer at you if you don’t have the appropriate cards in your deck. Strangely enough I don’t have the game any more.

Any way that’s a bit of a kick at the board game industry I am sure there is much more I could have a pop at, but for now that will do.

I’m not even going to go into these 4X games which take about five days to play. I have a life.

What games do you hate with a passion? Let me know…

Until next time …. Nanoo Nanoo

brianhedley

When not trying to run old machines to their limits, I occasionally write articles. As a man who has spent too long around retro machines, I have managed to play or try virtually every retro machine out there. Also quite a miserable sod who is known for strong opinions.

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