Well isn’t this a rare doubloonscidence? Not only be it Talk Like a Pirate Day, but it’s also t’ first day o’ Oktoberfest! Ayely I can’t let such a crossin’ o’ holidays go uncelebrated. So, in honor o’ it, I’ve taken t’ liberty o’ pickin’ a couple o’ proper privateerin’ games. While I don’t own them in physical form, I figured that in t’ spirit o’ t’ day, I can make an exception.

Today, we’ll be lookin’ at perhaps t’ most famous o’ nautical skulduggery simulators, t’ Sid Meier’s Pirates! In particular, I’ll be lookin’ at two o’ t’ game’s remakes: Pirates! Gold for t’ Sega Genesis, and Sid Meier’s Pirates: Live t’ Life for t’ Playstation Portable.

I decided t’ start with t’ PSP game primarily because it’s t’ most modern version I could access. In this game, you play as a lad in a family that has been enslaved by an evil Spaniard t’ Marquis de la Montalbán because o’ a debt they couldn’t pay because t’ ships they control were lost at sea. You managed t’ avoid capture, however, and 10 years later, you’re out and about t’ seek your fortune as a pirate, rescue your family, and get revenge on t’ Marquis.

From that basic bit o’ story, you have total control over what you want t’ do. Give yourself a fittin’ name, choose your difficulty, and pick a preferred age t’ plunder and sail under t’ flag o’ t’ English, French, Spanish, or Dutch. It’s a total seaman’s sandbox; Want t’ be a sea dog o’ war for your chosen nation? Maybe search for t’ treasure o’ famous pirates? Better yet, want t’ face those pirates in glorious naval combat with t’ hopes o’ takin’ their ships and loot? Or maybe you’d rather abstain from violence altogether and just be a free trader in t’ Caribbean? It’s your call.

“Gameplay’s a nice mix o’ differin’ little mini-games. Naval Combat’s a basic little real-time strategy game with you needin’ t’ steer your ship and select what type o’ shot you do, with t’ two major ways t’ win bein’ either t’ wear t’ ship or its crew down, or board t’ ship and go head t’ head with its captain. If you win, you capture t’ ship and take its thin’s, and provided you have t’ crew t’ man it properly, can even take t’ ship into your fleet.

When you get t’ a port, you can talk t’ t’ governor t’ get missions (provided you’re allied with them) and gain prestige by attackin’ their enemies. You can also see t’ Merchant t’ trade booty and maintain your stock, t’ Tavern t’ get new crew, see t’ Mesterious Stranger for hints, clues, and sometimes even rare items, see t’ Barmaid about information, and see t’ Bartender for thin’s related t’ current objectives.

Findin’ treasure requires you t’ know where it’s buried before you can make landfall, but once you do, you just have t’ find t’ X on t’ field before your crew gets savaged by t’ wildlife, and then t’ booty’s yours.

Land Combat be probably t’ most familiar aspect o’ t’ game for Sid Meier fans, as it’s a standard, Civilization-style skirmish where if you win, you can place it in t’ hands o’ a new ruler. Then thar’s cutlas fightin’, which be a simple game o’ figurin’ out where t’ hit your opponent and avoid gettin’ hit yourself.

While t’ mechanics be overall fairly similar between t’ two versions, t’ newer version allows you t’ sneak into towns and have ballroom dances with t’ governor’s daughter with t’ hopes o’ marryin’ them.

If I had t’ choose which o’ t’ games looked and sounded better, I think t’ Genesis version looks a bit better. MicroProse always had some great sprite work, and while t’ modern version does have some great animations (especially when you’re in cutlas fights, with all t’ high-flyin’ action you’d expect in a good swashbucklin’ simulator), t’ sound in t’ Genesis version really fits t’ mood, especially gettin’ t’ hear a 16-bit version o’ that one flute song you always hear when sailin’ be mentioned.” “Though if I had t’ nitpick, why be I not able t’ choose what me character looks like? That’s like, rule number one o’ bein’ a pirate: havin’ good distinguishin’ marks”

Gameplay-wise, t’ Modern version be by far t’ better version. It’s better paced, has more o’ a story t’ it. And has a lot smoother gameplay.

I think t’ best part o’ this game be arguably t’ fluff. While a lot o’ it’s procedurally generated, thar’s a plethora o’ actual historical locations and ships, though you’ll have t’ excuse t’ anachronisms because you’d have t’ be stupid not t’ want t’ take t’ Queen Anne’s Revenge for a sail and sink t’ Pinta, Nina, and t’ Santa Maria.

If you’re lookin’ for a good, pirate-y game t’ play on a day like this and you haven’t played either version o’ this Sid Meier classic, you’re missin’ out on probably one o’ t’ best piracy video games out thar. Though, if you’re wantin’ alternatives, try out Pixel Piracy on Steam or t’ MMORPG “Pirates o’ t’ Burnin’ Sea. Or just wait until Rare’s “Sea o’ Thieves” comes out. Either way, you’ve got a nice game o’ nautical larceny on your hands.

Adam Nelon

Hobbyist Writer, Southern-Fried chicken fanatic, and unabashed lover of adorable girls and pastel horses, Adam was born in the saddle when it comes to games. Ever since his infant days with the Genesis, he's had a fascination with gaming, and loves finding obscure and unsung games for any system he can run them on.