Neither Retro Gaming Magazine nor any member of our staff is associated with the Target chain of retail outlets. Michael just thinks this particular series of ads from the 90’s featuring “Respected coach and video gameologist Tom ‘The Thumb’ Blake” which ran in GamePro magazine was amusing. Thus we’re going to feature one every Tuesday for your viewing pleasure in an effort to put more smiles on more faces. This week’s game is Tekken 3 for the PlayStation. Come back next week for a new ad featuring a different game, and a new tip from Tom! (Um, special note for this one though it should be pretty fricking obvious: do not, under any circumstances, ever try this unless you want to experience horrendous pain. We will not be liable for any damages you incur to your gaming thumbs).

Michael Crisman

In 1979, Michael Crisman was mauled by a radioactive Gorgar pinball machine. After the wounds healed, doctors discovered his DNA had been re-coded. No longer fully human, Michael requires regular infusions of video games in order to continue living among you. If you see him, he can see you. Make no sudden moves, but instead bribe him with old issues of computer and video game magazines or a mint-in-box copy of Dragon Warrior IV.


If he made you laugh, drop a tip in his jar at http://paypal.me/modernzorker


(If he didn't make you laugh, donate to cure his compulsion to bang keyboards by sending an absurdly huge amount of money to his tip jar instead. That'll show him!)