By now I’m sure you’ve had time to read the first part of our series which looks at the the two games made for the NES and based on the third film in the Indiana Jones trilogy. If you somehow missed part one, or if you’d like to review the reasons why Taito’s version is pretty darn enjoyable, you can feel free to do so right over here. The link will even open in a new window so you don’t lose your progress on this page–this much is how we love our readers. By the end of this article you may find yourself questioning that declaration, but come on man, you knew what you were getting into when you opened this page. This week, we’re looking at Ubisoft’s version of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, programmed by NMS Software and released in 1993, two years after Taito’s version and four years after the film. “What,” you might ask, “could Ubisoft possibly bring to the table except confusion?” The answer is: “nothing.”

Ubisoft’s Last Crusade is all side-scrolling action, without any of the adventure-style elements found in Taito’s creation. Gone are the puzzles, the options for what order you want to tackle certain scenes, and any hint the developers had actually seen the movie. Remember the part where adult Indy fought a bow-wielding native on top of the Dunn & Duffy Circus train?

Indiana Jones and the Politically-Incorrect Video Game?

How about the bit where he had to punch out sideshow-style fire-breathing dude down in the Venice catacombs?

Looking a little green around the gills there, Karnov.

Or the time he had to horsewhip a gun-toting Nazi in order to escape a zeppelin?

Indiana Jones and the Peculiar Purple Pie-Man of Porcupine Peak?

Wait, you don’t remember any of this in the film? Me either. This, Ubisoft, is why people hate licensed games so much. The difference between your version of this game and Taito’s is that Taito clearly respected the source materials while your gang of programmers had their own ideas about how to “improve” the story. Yes, Taito made changes too, but those were made for the express purpose of creating a game with replay value while sticking as close to the basic premise as possible. Need further proof? Both games have a stage where Indy must pass the three trials prior to reaching the Grail room. This is how Taito handled the “Name of God” trial:

Hundreds of tiles, dozens of places to screw up, Indy would have it no other way.

And this is how Ubisoft handled it:

Two whole fake letters…don’t make me think too hard here, guys!

One of these is clearly in keeping with the spirit of the film. The other is nothing more than checking items off a bullet list entitled ‘Crap We Must Include’. “Tiles on the floor with letters on them? OK, got that. What’s next?” How about all the things you left off your list, Ubisoft? There’s no mention of Indy’s father, Dr. Schneider, Marcus Brody, Sallah, Walter Donovan, or any of the other major or minor characters helping or hindering the man on his quest. When the Grail knight at the end of the story gets more screen time than Sean Connery, your priorities have been profoundly misplaced. Even the final puzzle, of choosing the right chalice from among all the false Grails, is dumbed down to the point of absurdity. In the film (and Taito’s Last Crusade), Indy steps into a cave lined with dozens of options. Ubisoft gives us four whole choices, and anyone who has seen the film will pick the right one in seconds, because DUH.

Wait, wait don’t tell me…

So is there anything at all good about this abomination? Well, the music is a competently-rendered version of the classic Indiana Jones theme, but you’ll get sick of it after three or four times and mute the sound. Seriously, it’s the ONLY song in the whole game, and it plays on every stage. Whether you’re climbing up the outer walls of a castle, exploring a cave system to find the Cross of Coronado, or just sitting on the title screen, the music’s exactly the same. I might have taken Taito’s music to task for being uninspiring on a few stages, but at least they didn’t make me hate one of cinema’s most iconic character themes after twenty minutes.

“Feeling HORNY, Dr. Jones?”

I will say this though: I like the way the characters are animated, and the art style for the sprites is unique. The characters have a ‘paper cut-out’ vibe to them, clearly outlined against the stage backgrounds. It seems out of place for an Indiana Jones adventure, but the style itself is neat and I can’t fault it for that.

Judging by these walls, Venice was the murder capital of the world back in the middle ages.

Astute readers have already noticed Ubisoft used the exact same box art as Taito. Astute players have already noted that neither game involves Indy riding on a horse. Why both publishers felt the need to use this particular image is difficult to understand until you realize one thing. Ubisoft had to know their version of the game was inferior to the ’91 version, but with some trickery borrowed from the animal kingdom known as ‘camouflage’, they slipped their knock-off into the ecosystem. This ensured when a child asked for Last Crusade for his NES, baffled parents would pick theirs 50% of the time. It’s a pity every store couldn’t have its own aged Grail knight looking out for customers, smiling when one picked up Taito’s version and declaring, “You have chosen wisely.”

Hey, it worked for Coke:

Not gonna lie…I’ve been waiting for years to use that commercial in something I wrote. One of my favorite commercials of all time, and I don’t even like Diet Coke.

Michael Crisman

In 1979, Michael Crisman was mauled by a radioactive Gorgar pinball machine. After the wounds healed, doctors discovered his DNA had been re-coded. No longer fully human, Michael requires regular infusions of video games in order to continue living among you. If you see him, he can see you. Make no sudden moves, but instead bribe him with old issues of computer and video game magazines or a mint-in-box copy of Dragon Warrior IV.


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